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Writer's pictureUrmil Wadhwa

Why do people Suicide?


I feel deeply saddened by the recent suicide of an Indian film and television actor Sushant Singh Rajput at a very young age of 34 years. What could have made this young handsome rising star of Bollywood take his own life, the life that could be a dream life of thousand others?


Not only that couple years back in one week two of my favourite stars named

Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade took their lives. These were highly acclaimed socially and financially abundant fellows. I know a lot of people will do anything to achieve those levels of life then what went wrong with these people?


Why do people who seem so perfect in the outer world commit such weird acts? Is it a façade they put on or do they live a lie? Or some chaos goes on in their inner world? No matter how good or ideal you pretend to be, your inner world is going to reflect in your outer world and chaos in your inner world is the result of negative self-talk.

I understand they were going through depression and depression is a mental state we all go through once or twice in our lives but the duration varies with different people.


To my understanding depression happens when there is a continuous conflict between your heart and mind, you get pulled in different directions and you lose your peace of mind.

The duration of depression is very much dependent on the self-talk we have. Let me ask you, are you aware of your inner voice—the one that provides a running monologue? Is it cheerful and supportive or negative and self-defeating?


This internal chatter is referred to as “self-talk.” It’s an effective way for your brain to interpret and process your daily experience. However, human nature is prone to negative self-talk and the negative self-talk arises from the irrational beliefs you have about yourself. If you think that you are clumsy, a loser, looking ugly or totally worthless then your self-talk will be negative making sweeping assertions like “I can’t do anything right!” or “I’m a complete failure!”


Staying focussed on negative self-talk can be extremely destructive. If left unchecked, these thoughts can lead to severe anxiety and depression and eventually to self-loathing.

Remember pursuit of happiness does not lie alone in making money and being famous, it rather comes with a total package of fulfilment in relationships, career, health and wealth.


Now let us talk a little about the science behind Self-Talk.


While everyone — even extroverts — experience negative self-talk from time to time, there is a link between introversion and our tendency to dwell in self-inflicted pain. According to neuroimaging studies, introverts show a higher level of blood flow in the part of the brain associated with self-talk. We all know this negativity can be unrealistic or even harmful, but we do it anyway. According to Carl Jung’s theory of psychological types, all introverts lead with a subjective cognitive function. As introverts, we are wired to make sense of the world based on our own perception. So, in a sense, our thoughts and feelings truly do shape our reality.

I can very well relate to this because not very long ago I was a victim of negative self-talk myself. It came as a gift from my social and cultural conditioning. But my desire to know the truth of life brought me into the world of self-help books and eventually to the understanding that I am the only one responsible for my own happiness.

Understand that happiness is a choice, an attitude and a journey towards fulfilment.

Brain wave tests prove that when we use positive words, our "feel good" hormones flow. Positive self-talk releases endorphins and serotonin in our brain, which then flow throughout our body, making us feel good. These neurotransmitters stop flowing when we use negative self-talk.


The good news is that you can learn to challenge that negative self-talk, and the first step is becoming aware of it. The key to healthily managing negative self-talk is transforming the experience from subjective to objective. One of the best ways to do this is by practicing mindfulness and being grateful for what you have. Bring coherence in your mind and heart. Learn to reach out when in distress and ask for help.


I ask you to give yourself permission to love yourself. When you are brimming with self-love it oozes out and spreads around you secretly loving all in your vicinity. Our energy affects those around us. Proclaim your own power by learning on how to process your hurtful emotions. Bring humour in your life. Stay in the company of people who bring about the best in you. See life with a new lens of wisdom, joy and happiness.

To sum it up a quote from Denise Waitely,


"Relentless, repetitive self-talk is what changes our self-image.”


Sure enough our power lies in our thoughts!

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