We all feel anger occasionally. Anger is an intense emotion you feel when something has gone wrong, or someone has wronged you. It is typically characterized by feelings of stress, frustration, and irritation. Everyone feels anger from time to time. It's a perfectly normal response to frustrating or difficult situations.
Anger is one of the most powerful and misunderstood emotions. Unfortunately, our misconceptions about anger lead to a lot of dysfunctional behavior. It's not bad to feel angry. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion.
We tend to resort to anger to protect ourselves from or cover up other vulnerable feelings. We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. If any of these feelings are intense enough, we think of the emotion as anger.
Anger is a natural and mostly automatic response to pain in one form or another (physical or emotional). Anger can occur when people don't feel well, feel rejected, feel threatened, or experience some loss.
There are generally three types of anger expressions and anger can be expressed both verbally and non-verbally.
1. Aggressive: Anger expressed in this way is directed at the other person to hurt him/her emotionally, physically, or psychologically. Yelling, put-downs, and hitting are examples of
Verbal! "Shut Up!"; "Get Lost"; "You'll be sorry.”
Non-Verbal! Finger pointing. Glaring. Invasion of personal or even intimate space (4” and closer). Arms crossed. Hands-on hips. Fingers clenched into a fist. Increase in the volume of voice.
2. Passive anger: A person internalizes the expression of anger when he or she avoids dealing with the situation that contributed to feelings of anger. The anger can then be expressed by getting even, holding a grudge, or being mean at some time in the future. Spreading nasty rumors not speaking to the person, and damaging property can be examples of passive anger.
Verbal! "I am sorry to have to tell you this..." "Please don't get angry or upset with me."
Non-Verbal! Biting lips or tongue. Looking away or down. Folded arms. Very soft apologetic voice.
3. Assertive anger: This is usually the best way to communicate feelings of anger because anger is expressed directly and in a non-threatening way to the person involved. A statement such as "I feel angry when you ..." is an example of assertive anger.
Verbal! “I feel”; “I think”; “I am angry about…”; “I would like you to…”; “I don’t understand.”
Non-Verbal! Direct but non-invasive eye contact. Modulated voice. Respect for spatial boundaries. Use of illustrative gestures. An erect but relaxed posture
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. While feeling angry is healthy, aggressive behavior isn't. Anger isn't always a bad thing. In fact, anger can be a motivating force and it can be the fuel to bring change in self or society. This occurs when you channel your anger into something that turns out to be positive or constructive. What people need is skills to manage their anger. Many relationship troubles, career issues, and legal problems result from unhealthy expressions of anger.
There are many healthy ways to deal with anger without resorting to threats or violence.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy has proven to be an effective treatment for anger management issues. Learning how to relax your body and your mind is the key to reducing aggressive outbursts.
Suppressing anger isn't healthy, suppressed anger has been linked to a variety of physical and mental health issues, from hypertension to depression. Losing your temper, avoiding things that cause you anxiety, or worrying about things you can’t control will prevent you from living your best life.
Pay attention to the early warning signs that you're growing angry. Take a time-out from the action to calm down before your anger reaches explosive levels. Go for a walk or do some deep breathing to calm both your body and your mind. Transforming anger into motivation can be a powerful way to channel your emotions into positive action.
Here are some strategies to help you achieve this transformation:
1. Acknowledge the reason for your anger without reacting. Start by acknowledging and accepting your anger. Understand that it is a natural emotion and that it can be used as a catalyst for change. When you feel angry, acknowledge it by saying, "I am feeling angry." Allow the feeling to exist but not cause a reaction. Also, note the wording: "I am feeling angry" versus "I am angry." You are not your anger. You are simply experiencing anger.
2. Identify the source of your anger. Try to identify the root cause of your anger. Is it a personal setback, an injustice, or a perceived wrongdoing? Understanding the source can help you direct your motivation towards addressing the underlying issue.
3. Sit with your emotions without judgment. The more you sit with your emotions—just allow them to be, rather than try to stuff, eliminate, control, or ignore them—the more you can grow in your self-confidence, emotional intelligence, and resilience.
4. When you feel anger rising, take a moment to step back and gain perspective. Pause, breathe deeply, and give yourself some space to reflect on the situation. Sit with the acknowledgment "I am feeling angry because..." and ask yourself a few questions: Do I want to do something because of this anger? What role am I playing in my anger? Given the role I'm playing, what's an appropriate way to respond to my anger?
5. Recognize you are not alone. We are all in this together. We all experience strong emotions and most of us don’t know what to do with them. Everyone experiences anger. Think of someone who handles anger well that you admire. What do they do? What don't they do? What can you adopt?
6. Set clear goals. Channel your anger into setting clear and specific goals. Define what you want to achieve and why it is important to you. This will give you a sense of purpose and direction.
7. Take constructive action. Use your anger as fuel to take constructive action towards your goals. Channel your energy into activities that will bring about positive change. This could involve advocating for a cause, working towards personal growth, or making a difference in your community.
8. Practice self-care. It's important to take care of yourself while harnessing anger as motivation. Engage in activities that help you relax, recharge, and maintain emotional well-being. This could include exercise, meditation, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing hobbies.
9. Seek support. Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or like-minded individuals who can provide encouragement and guidance. Sharing your experiences and learning from others can help you stay motivated and focused.
Remember, transforming anger into motivation requires self-awareness, patience, and a commitment to personal growth. By channeling your anger in a positive direction, you can create meaningful change in your life and the world around you.
You will come through this extended period of upheaval and uncertainty. My sincere hope is that you become a better version of yourself for having had the courage to experience all your emotions, including anger.
Connect with me if you need help @ urmil.urmilwadhwa.com
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