In many ways, empaths and narcissists seem to be the opposite of each other. We have always known that opposites attract, and it is found that empaths often attract narcissists. Most of the time, neither the narcissist knows about his/her personality disorder nor does an empath know that he/she is an empath absorbing the emotions of his/her narcissistic partner, friend, or relative.
What is an empath?
Someone who feels more empathy than an average person. Empathy is an emotion or state of being that allows one person to connect emotionally and cognitively with another person.
Being an empath is not something you do, it’s something you are. An empath is a highly sensitive and intuitive individual having the ability to sense and feel others’ energy, emotions, and feelings. Research shows that in empaths, the brain’s mirror neuron system – a specialized group of cells that are responsible for unconsciously mirroring another person’s movements, emotions, and feelings is thought to be hyperactive. Empaths are deeply attuned to the emotions and energy they sense from people and other environmental sources around them. They have a profound desire to help, nurture, and fix people in their life because they take on their energy and have compassion for their pain.
What is a narcissist?
Narcissism is generally labeled as a personality disorder and deep down it is a conditioning of the mind. Which could either be part of your upbringing, your belief system, or some past bad experiences.
A narcissist is someone with an exaggerated feeling of self-importance without regard for others. They have a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and they refuse to show empathy for others. A lot of times they can be super charming, but behind this mask of extreme confidence and charm lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism. They tend to manipulate people and the situations in their lives to make themselves appear superior and charming. A lot of times they are very successful and rise because they prioritize that, and they want people to feed their ego. They project who they are onto you, or the people around them.
Because empaths have this soul drive to help, heal, nurture, and fix other people they are pulled like a magnet to narcissists. Narcissists don’t even know they need to be fixed, but they are drawn to empaths because of their devotion.
We all show empathy to different degrees. Even a narcissist can be an empath, but his/her own sense of importance overrides others’ feelings. A narcissist can destroy an empath and turn it into a narcissist, or an empath can change a narcissist into a better human being who can value and respect others' feelings. In any relationship whoever has a stronger and better hold on their emotions can influence the other person.
Narcissists are emotionally wounded and insecure people and when any person develops an emotional wound, they do not only become very sensitive to anything that touches their wound but they also change their behavior to protect themself from further hurts even if it meant abusing people around them.
Maintaining your relationship with a narcissistic person can be a huge burden especially if you are romantically involved. Often in empath/narcissist relationships, the empath becomes so engrossed in “healing” the narcissist that they completely disregard their own self-care.
Nevertheless, the narcissistic tendencies of your partner, spouse, or boss can improve.
Remember change is inevitable. People change if you can be patient enough in working things out with them to ensure that the desired change is actualized in the long run. But this can only happen when you as an empath know how to stay balanced and strong with your own emotions. Anyone can change, but the path to healing from any personality disorder is long and difficult.
Your contribution can help your narcissist heal. Understand his emotional wounds and insecurities. To know what kind of emotional wound the narcissist you are dealing with has, you need to pay closer attention to what they are most sensitive to. For example, if he/she puts extra effort into making sure that you won’t leave him/her, he/she might have developed a fear of abandonment after being abandoned in the past.
Another thing that can help you understand a person’s emotional wounds is the kind of criticism that hurts him/her. All narcissists hate criticism, but criticism hurts only when it touches an existing wound.
To live happily with a wounded narcissist and save your relationship, you will have to convince him/her, through your actions and your overall behavior, that you present zero threats to their emotional wounds.
Narcissists can be very abusive to protect themselves from being wounded again. A narcissist who fears abandonment can be so abusive or critical towards his/her partner to convince him/her that he/she is worthless so that he/she won’t leave him/her for another partner.
Of course, I’m not saying that you should stay in an abusive relationship hoping to change the narcissist. Use these tips only if you are dealing with a non-abusive narcissist or if you are sure that staying with them is more beneficial than leaving.
I am a highly sensitive empath and until 15 years ago I didn’t even know that I am an empath. Life was hard as I was absorbing others’ emotions as my own and reacted accordingly. The awareness came through meditation and introspection.
As an empath, I always attracted narcissistic people in my life, in my relationships, and workplace. The cycle of attracting narcissists kept on until I understood the importance of my own emotional well-being over others. I took the responsibility to watch my thinking, my feelings, and my emotions critically making sure it was not being influenced by others.
Meditation brought my awareness into oneness and how our vibes travel reaching others. I made love my priority. Loving myself and sending out unconditional love to others regardless of the fact whether they cared for me or not. It was a very selfless act and it paid very well in the long run.
I had clearly understood that all change starts with self, you can not force anyone to change, but your unconditional love can.
As per the Law of Attraction whatever you focus on, for more than 68 seconds, then that becomes your point of attraction, and the law of attraction kicks in to bring that into your reality. I made sure that I focussed only on the best in the people around me, “Lo and Behold,” that is what started manifesting in my life.
It was not so easy to ignore the negative vibes from others and stay focused on the positive but with practice it was possible. In the end, all relationships are there in your life for a reason. There are many sacred contracts to be fulfilled and life on earth is about learning and reaching the highest emotion called love. To have unconditional love for all is not an easy job but is surely achievable with lots of inner work.
My learning was to be patient, be a good listener, be emotionally strong and intelligent, discern instead of judgment, and most important respond instead of reacting.
I have been doing my inner work for over 40 years and I found out that if you do not expect anything from others and stay tuned in with the divine within you, you can get all that you desire, even emotional strength and confidence. If you keep emitting pure love, there is no reason why these vibrations won’t reach your narcissistic partner and bring about changes in his/her behavior.
When you understand that your partner is not responsible for your happiness, but it is you yourself, you will figure out ways to find it and come out of codependency.
Trust me love heals all.
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